Got a toothbrush?
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
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