Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
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