sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Randomize
