So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
