I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize
