you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
Randomize
