they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
