Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
