I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
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