I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Randomize
