god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
