dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
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