how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
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