sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
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