You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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