this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
