Capitaan dildo arrescate!
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
