So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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