So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
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