summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
