He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
Randomize
