Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
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