High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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