I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Randomize