she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Randomize
