Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
