so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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