i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Randomize
