tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
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