one word: firstdatebathroomanal
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Randomize
