Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
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