Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
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