My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Randomize
