Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
