Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
Have you finally orgasmed yet?
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Randomize
