We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
Randomize
