I hope mine doesn't look like that
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
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