Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
