Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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