Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
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