There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
is that a dick in a sweater?
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
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