I only kidnapped one of them. chill
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
