your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
I'm at about main and main street
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize