the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
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