grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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