Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
I think I am morally bankrupt
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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