my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
