I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
