Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Randomize