So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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