I can't watch pbs sober anymore
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
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