And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Randomize
