mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
