ADVERTISEMENT

• (908): View more from New Jersey

  we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.

  (1-908): View more from New Jersey

  you should have been aborted.

  Fav 19 4543 1377

  share tweet
  

• (612): View more from Minnesota

  Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.

  Fav 19 1287 5062

  share tweet
  
ADVERTISEMENT

• (901): View more from Tennessee

  I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole

  Fav 12 5927 1608

  share tweet
  

• (818): View more from California

  I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.

  Fav 13 2847 1138

  share tweet
  

• (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.

  Fav 11 1956 779

  share tweet
  

• (706): View more from Georgia

  It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.

  Fav 0 1020 1151

  share tweet
  
ADVERTISEMENT

• (231): View more from Michigan

  FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today

  Fav 5 2153 891

  share tweet
  

• (631): View more from New York

  Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.

  Fav 4 1138 928

  share tweet
  

• (+61): View more from Australia

  Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.

  Fav 2 954 574

  share tweet
  

• (416): View more from Toronto

  Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress

  (416): View more from Toronto

  Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing

  Fav 2 514 742

  share tweet
  

• (940): View more from Texas

  Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.

  Fav 5 1241 510

  share tweet
  
ADVERTISEMENT

• (804): View more from Virginia

  Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.

  Fav 1 394 619

  share tweet
  

• (813): View more from Florida

  As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.

  Fav 3 305 142

  share tweet
  

• (716): View more from New York

  I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.

  (1-716): View more from New York

  I'm fine with that

  Fav 0 120 11

  share tweet
  
ADVERTISEMENT

• (702): View more from Nevada

  Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low

  Fav 0 65 8

  share tweet
  

Randomize