just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
