I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
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