then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
Even my vagina gasped.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Randomize
