No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
Someone shattered a urinal.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Randomize
