So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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