Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Randomize
