I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Randomize
