Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
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