you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
