i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
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