Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
Buhtt sex?
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
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