It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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