i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
You were trust falling into bushes
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Randomize
