Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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