So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize