either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Randomize
