you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
Randomize
