Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
