all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
