There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
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