Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
tell me about the fingering
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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