Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
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