I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Randomize
