If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
question - sack: should she or should she not play with it during foreplay?
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
