I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
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