On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
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