i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Randomize
